i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
