the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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