why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
