I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
