Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
