I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
