I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
