After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wish my penis had a tongue
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
