my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
