So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize