...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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