have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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