You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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