She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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