Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
