If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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