awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
