he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
