There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
