His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
