and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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