He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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