so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
