corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
