Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ok first of all what the fuck
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
