Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
