I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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