So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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