thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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