my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
