Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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