The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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