Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
