it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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