I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
