its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
