Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
