Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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