So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
