I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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