...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize