i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
