i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
