He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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