why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
