I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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