whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize