You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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