Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
