Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
