Porn is love you can see.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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