dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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