i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
