weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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