i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
