is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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