Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
