I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
3 2 1 whiskey
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
