I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
