my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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