some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
