I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
