Where did you get a picture of my penis
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
