Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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