i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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