then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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