she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
