girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize