sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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