I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
honey bunches of taint.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
