I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
