I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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