Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
40s are totally the cure
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
